brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
