The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
