So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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