so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
