I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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