I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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