Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
