She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
