I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
