i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
