i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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