they need to just BURY HIM!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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