He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
