My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
