she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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