How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
