I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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