Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
