she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
