Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
