Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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