You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
