Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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