You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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