this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
How naked do you want me to be?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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