Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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