All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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