They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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