There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
