no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
he just fucked me for my cheese.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
