I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
