oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want her autograph on my taint
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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