WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
