Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
