STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
