you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
