I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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