HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
