just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm too high and old for this...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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