I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
