Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
