Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
