her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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