seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
