Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
