so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
