the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
