Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
if only i could text you this smell
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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