real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
