last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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