Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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