oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
