i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
