I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
