Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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