The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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