great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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