I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
