now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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