if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
