Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
