My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
