She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
