I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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