she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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