I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Is Oprah even human
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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