Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
