all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
