please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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