Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
