I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
People in love make me want to vomit
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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