just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
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If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
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It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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