Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
