this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
