I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
