I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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