when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
