My nipple is on Facebook.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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