I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
