I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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