Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
