Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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